Ramps

There are days when everyone is subdued and sitting on the edge of their stools, waiting to sample their new mystery food. And there are days when the mystery food becomes a toy, or more specifically, a slingshot. Thankfully we were able to ignore the extraterrestrial species that had invaded Sam’s brain, and enjoyed our new experience with ramps. And not only did Lauren and Emma like their ramps, but they also ate every last piece, asking for more. This counts as a victory.

ME: Ok.  I have one new vegetable for us to try. What is this called?

LAUREN: I don’t know.

SAM: A duck.  A snake.

ME: It’s not called a snake.  It’s not called a duck.  Who wants to hold one?

SAM: Gooey slime? (He picks up a long ramp and swings it around his head lasso style)

ME: Don’t throw them around like that please. I grilled these.  Here, Emma you can have one too. 

KIDS: [laughing]

ME: Sam, don’t swing them around.  It’s not a toy.

KIDS: [laughing]

LAUREN: Did you feel the bottom? What does it feel like?

LAUREN: That’s easy — leaves.

ME: They are like leaves. Look guys, Lauren is already eating hers.  Who’s going to eat theirs next?

SAM: [making monkey sounds]

LAUREN: It tastes like salt.

ME: Ok, I’m going to tear open a ramp for you guys so that you can smell it.  Raw ramps have a really strong smell.  Let’s see.  Whoa.  What does it smell like? 

SAM: A unicorn.

ME: Unicorn? 

SAM: No, I said a leaf.

EMMA: Unitorn.

LAUREN: Do you eat the white part?

ME: You can eat the whole thing because I grilled it.  But you can also eat the raw one that I just opened. I love these.  These are one of my favorite things.

LAUREN: Oh my God, the white is spicy.

ME: Yeah, it’s a little spicy isn’t it?  It’s a little peppery.  You know why?

LAUREN: Why?

ME: These are called wild leeks.  I know we tried leeks and we didn’t like them, but these are more like onions.  They’re kind of like spring onions. Vegetables in the onion family are always a bit spicy.

EMMA: They’re yummy in my tummy.

ME: They’re yummy in my tummy, too.  You want another?

LAUREN: I want another one!

SAM: They taste like Doritos.

LAUREN: I like them.

ME: They better not taste like Doritos!

LAUREN: I love them.

ME: Good.  Have as many as you want.  Sam’s going to have one, too.

SAM: (slurps his lengthwise)

ME: Sam, gross.  You’re slurping it like a spaghetti noodle.

SAM: This is mystery food! (giggling)

EMMA: I want more.

ME: Yeah, I’m cutting it up for you.  That was like a big long spaghetti noodle and you’re going to choke on it.  Ok.  Give me your plate.

ME: Alright, I think that we need to get ramps again.  But you know what, they only have them in the Spring.  They don’t have them all Summer.

EMMA: I want more please.

ME: I’m going to give you more, don’t worry.  I’ll give you more.

LAUREN: I love these things.

ME: You do?  You love them too?  Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you guys like raw ramps of all things.

EMMA: I want this again.

ME: Ok.  We’ll get them again. I promise.