Collard greens

I have a confession: I’ve never cooked collard greens at home. I’ve eaten them plenty of times, but for some reason, whenever I’ve got greens in mind I go for kale or chard. Collards have to be cooked a little longer than other greens to soften them, but otherwise, they are delicious eaten with a touch of olive oil and salt. A splash of vinegar works too, but since we’re being purists in our challenge I try to keep the flavors as close to their natural state as possible.

Verdict on collard greens? Our conversation was long and confusing and I still don’t have an answer. Apologies.

ME: Ok.  Mystery food right now is….

EMMA: I want purple.

ME: Who can tell me what this is?

LAUREN: Greens, greens, greens.

ME: Yeah.  It’s greens.  What kind of greens.

LAUREN: Uh salad greens?

ME: Uh Nope.  It’s not salad greens.  What kind of greens.

EMMA: Collard.

ME: What?

EMMA: Collard.

ME: Yeah!

LAUREN: Cabbage?

ME: She got it!  Collards.  Did you say Collards?

EMMA: [Nods yes].

ME: Yeah!!!!  How’d you know?

SAM: She went to Jamaica.

ME: Oh my gosh. Did you go to Jamaica?  How did you know it was collard greens?  You just guessed?  That was really smart.  Ok, who wants to smell the collard greens?

EMMA: Me.

ME: Ok.  Smell it. 

EMMA: [sniffing].  Yummy!

ME:  Yeah? What does it smell like?

SAM: It smells like… like a… it smells like —

EMMA: Oh, it keeps falling.

ME: Do you want a bigger fork?

EMMA: Yeah, Ok. 

SAM: It smells like… it smells like um —

ME: Take a big smell.

LAUREN: Uh, I don’t know. It looks nice.

ME: It looks nice?

LAUREN: Like greens.

ME: It looks like greens.  Ok.  Who wants to take the first taste of the collard greens?

LAUREN: Me.

ME: Ok, Lauren’s going to taste it. And, Emma is going to taste it. 

SAM: I don’t want to taste it.

LAUREN: It tastes like olive oil.

ME: There’s a little bit olive oil in there, yeah, because I had to cook them.

SAM: Why do I have two forks?

ME: I don’t know why you have two forks.

SAM: Maybe that was magic.

ME: Maybe it was magic.  What do you think, Emma?  You guessed the vegetable this week, do you like it?

EMMA: [nodding yes].

ME: What do they taste like?

EMMA: Juice.

ME: They taste like juice?

EMMA: Yeah.

ME: I bet you would like green juices because they make juices out of greens.

EMMA: No, they turn them into pink juice.

ME: There are pink juices too. 

LAUREN: Has Sam tried it yet?

ME: Sam has not tried it yet.

ME: Emma loves it.  Here, Sam.

SAM: Spicy.

ME: Spicy?  It’s not spicy.

LAUREN: Spicy? [giggling].

ME: There’s no spicy in it.

SAM: I don’t like it.

ME: You don’t like it? Because it’s too spicy?

SAM: Yeah.

EMMA: It is not spicy.  Mine is not spicy.

ME: No, your’s is not spicy.

ME: So, what do you guys think?  Should we get collard greens again?

SAM: Yeah.

LAUREN: Um, no.

ME: You said ‘yeah’, Sam, but you didn’t like it?

EMMA: I do.

SAM: No.  I wouldn’t get them again.

ME: I’m confused.  What about you, Lauren?

LAUREN: No.

ME: No.  But you would Emma, right?

EMMA: No.

ME: Oh!  You said you would.  You said you liked them.

EMMA: I do.

ME: Yeah.  You do like them?

EMMA: But I don’t.

ME:  Ok.  Alright, so that’s it, no more?

LAUREN: No.

SAM: No more.

ME: Ok.

EMMA: I liked them.