He watched his sister pull off a Tsukahara Double Pike at the water park. Once he got over his shock, he realized that he needs to step up his athletic game big time.

After the gymnastics debacle, he was sent to the dentist. The stuffed animals were freakish, not calming. Lauren disagreed.

He watched his dog get hauled off to jail for stealing a peanut butter bone from the pet store.

Recognizing that he’s been under a ton of pressure, I offered to buy him a vodka lemonade, which he gladly accepted.

Good morning Chelsea! What a beautiful view. I love everything about my street: the tree canopy, the brownstones, and dog poop for miles. I should clarify, I don’t actually like the dog poop, but it’s heavenly for my dog, and he needs to enjoy his mornings too. So much to sniff, especially on a warm day.

Speaking of delicious smells, check out my breakfast that morning. A latte and donut from my favorite breakfast spot in NYC, The Doughnut Plant. That would be a chocolate donut, with a chocolate cookie crumb. It’s the most insane breakfast treat if you’re trying to gain a few pounds, which I assume most of us are.

And there’s no sense in starting off a day with chocolate donuts. That immediately designates the day as a bad eating day, so why not follow it up with a big plate of fries?  Just don’t bring your kids as they’ll eat the fries right off your plate. Which defeats the purpose of your bad eating day. Meaning that you’ll have go for another bad eating day the next day just to keep things even.

Thank goodness for the lake, it always seems to keep me on track. Nothing kickstarts a morning like a gigantic coffee filled to the brim with half and half. Crap, bad drinking day is starting.

Might as well continue the bad drinking day and celebrate this win with a massive bottle of champagne. I’m talking Magnum here. The kind you order on New Year’s Eve when you’re traveling in the south of France. Which I assume is yearly for most of us, right?

We started the week off on the right foot when Emma decided that she’d rather dress for the Italian Riviera than Northern New Jersey. I told her that her chances of running into Snooki were far greater than the likelihood of meeting Kate Moss, but she was undeterred. Childhood innocence is a wonderful thing.

Soon after arriving, we stripped down to our birthday suits. Did I tell you that we’re nudists? We are. Well, this week we became nudists for the first time. I think everyone was pretty Zen with the idea. Maybe Sam was a little freaked out.

As part of our colony, we make sure that mind, body, and spirit are in full communication. Which means activating all of our Chakras through foot massage and lymphatic drainage. It really works.

Corn shucking goes twice as fast when you have no pesky clothes for the corn silk to adhere to. Just brush it off and continue with your day. Life-changing, really. Nudism could speed up all kinds of activities, from lawn-mowing to dog hair brushing. 

But I have to say that by far, my favorite nude activity is sunset drinks on the boat. While it’s great to be nude on our own property, it’s even better to spread the word about nudism with the broader lake community. Passing other boats gives me such a thrill – the cheers from the other passengers confirms that our lifestyle is something that people accept and support. It feels great to be loved.

Since I ran out of photos that make me look nude, I figured the cat was out of the bag. We’re not nudists. Just regular old people unfortunately. We have dogs who pose like they’re having their portrait taken.