Don’t worry, I haven’t let you down. I’m bringing snacks to The Bachelorette finale viewing party: sticky bacon caramel corn. As Chris Harrison promises at the end of every season, this will certainly be the most dramatic finale in Bachelorette history. So it probably goes without saying that I needed the most dramatic snack I could get my hands on.
I’ve watched the show religiously for as long as it’s been around. Yes, I even watched the first season with that dirtbag Alex Michel. The only season I’ve missed is Deanna’s season. She has the energy of an aging Coonhound. I know, not so nice, but I think it’s fair game when you sign up to have helicopters, designer clothes, and reasonably good-looking, if not somewhat creepy dudes thrown at you for six weeks straight. And yes, shockingly, that’s how long filming lasts, from the courtyard meet and greet, to getting down on bended knee. Six weeks! It would take me that long just to learn how to make a proper espresso, let alone meet, date, and become engaged to my life partner.
These days I don’t have much time for TV, so I’ve had to narrow it down to one show. And I just can’t part with The Bachelor. Lucky for me, Rodney has the same addiction. He’s the only guy I know who’ll actually cop to watching the show. Ever see the episodes with a live studio audience? There’s a reason why all of the guys are wearing baseball hats and fake mustaches. Guys do not like to be associated with this show, unless they’re an actual cast member of course. At which point they’re desperate to be associated with it.
